Chapter 25
The Uncrossable Wall Between Them
“Where have you been?”
“…I went to see a play. Staying at home felt suffocating. Were you waiting for me?”
“I thought we might have a meal together since it’s been a while, but you weren’t in your room.”
His voice, lower than usual, seemed to press down even on the surrounding air.
Blair sent Lina, who looked awkward between the two of them, ahead to eat first and then followed with Herdin into the room.
“You even left the carriage and the knights behind—I was worried.”
Herdin’s words sounded like genuine concern at first, but his gaze carried suspicion more than worry.
The moment Blair met those eyes, she remembered a voice she had heard once before:
‘How could I ever trust you?’
He was doubting her again.
As soon as she realized that, emotions surged uncontrollably. Someone who hadn’t been seen for fifteen days now openly suspected her after just one outing, reminding her of the past.
“Is it not because you don’t trust me?”
A sharp voice slipped out, unable to be hidden.
In the past, Blair would have worried about offending him by speaking out, carefully watching his mood—but not anymore.
She ignored his feelings and continued in a cold, sarcastic tone:
“Are you uneasy thinking about what I might be scheming behind your back?”
Herdin slightly furrowed his brows—a sharp expression Blair hadn’t seen before.
He met her resentful violet eyes and let out a dry laugh.
Would someone who knows so well act so suspiciously?
The doubts that had piled up over time surged like sharp blades, striking out uncontrollably.
“If you know that, then from now on, take the knights with you wherever you go. So I won’t have to feel uneasy anymore.”
Herdin, who spoke each word as if chewing it carefully, stopped mid-sentence when he saw Blair’s reddened eyes.
He sighed, covering his eyes with his large hand, then slowly opened them. His throat moved as he swallowed his emotions, trying to restrain them.
“I—”
Before Blair could raise her voice further, Herdin, with a deliberately restrained tone, turned away.
“…Go wash up and come down. You must be hungry.”
Blair watched his back as he left without giving her a chance to stop him. In that back, memories of the past overlapped.
He had always been like this.
They would raise their voices, then suddenly stop and leave. As if avoiding the deepening gap between their emotions. Even though her own feelings remained unresolved and suffocating.
And yet, he didn’t realize that such actions only dug the emotional chasm even deeper.
Blair could do nothing but watch his retreating broad back, the coldly closing door.
That was the uncrossable wall between them.
Before her return, she had feared opening that door. Opening it, confronting him, getting angry, crying, and in the end, only leaving the two of them broken at the end of the clash—it terrified her.
So she had never opened that door. But now…
‘I don’t want that anymore.’
Her eyes, trying to swallow tears that threatened to spill, fell on the unlit fireplace. Blair stared at it for a moment before slowly approaching.
Herdin had gone down to the dining room first, drinking a pre-meal glass of alcohol while waiting for Blair. He was already on his fifth glass.
He wet his burning throat and recalled the scene from earlier:
Red-rimmed eyes, trembling body, short breaths—so fragile that the slightest touch could make her collapse.
Why had he revealed his emotions like that, even though he knew he couldn’t push her further without risking her? How foolish.
Even amid it all, he had caught himself wanting to check if she carried the scent of another man. He chuckled at his own ridiculousness.
If there was another man… why would that even matter?
Thinking that sent a chill through his blood. He downed the pre-meal drink like whiskey and set the empty glass down.
Yet Mason, who had been standing by ready to refill it, hadn’t moved.
Herdin called him with a slightly annoyed voice:
“Mason.”
Only then did Mason approach and skillfully refill the glass, his words full of concern:
“If you keep drinking on an empty stomach, you’ll ruin yourself.”
Herdin let out his first laugh since entering the dining room.
“So you still see me as a twelve-year-old child?”
“If you were twelve, you wouldn’t even be able to drink, so I wouldn’t have to worry like this.”
“…You are such a dull old man.”
Herdin scolded Mason for taking his teasing seriously, though his voice held no irritation. He remembered Mason’s efforts in raising him from a parentless boy into the head of a noble house.
But before he could dwell further, the dining room door suddenly swung open. Luth charged in, urgency in his voice:
“Your Grace!”
Herdin froze mid-drink, frowning. A bad premonition rose in his chest.
“Madam… has collapsed.”
And that premonition was exactly right.
Mellie had stayed in the bathroom to attend to Blair in place of Lina, who had gone to change out of her outing clothes. Blair had told her it was fine, so Mellie waited.
But a long time passed, and Blair didn’t appear.
‘Could she be struggling with difficult clothes?’
Worried, Mellie left the bathroom and headed back to Blair’s room, recalling Herdin’s expression when he had come out earlier.
Herdin usually carried an intimidating aura despite his handsome face, but earlier, his coldness had been piercing, enough to make the surrounding air seem to freeze.
When Mellie entered to assist Blair, Blair had turned her back to her, hiding her face. Even so, her posture had looked precarious. Her voice, telling Mellie to wait in the bathroom, seemed to tremble.
A sudden sense of unease quickened Mellie’s steps.
She nearly ran to Blair’s room and knocked, but there was no answer.
Unable to wait any longer, she opened the door to find warmth hitting her skin. The fireplace, unlit until now, blazed to life—and in front of it…
“My goodness, Madam!”
Blair had collapsed unconscious in front of the fireplace.
Upon hearing the news, Herdin immediately rushed upstairs, followed by the court physician.
“It seems she temporarily lost consciousness due to a psychological shock. There are no other abnormalities. She should be fine after resting.”
After the physician left, silence filled the room, broken only by Lina’s sobs.
“Your Highness…”
Lina couldn’t bring herself to approach Blair, still sitting with Herdin, and wept, sniffling and snorting.
Herdin’s expression hardened at the title she used. Blair had been his wife for over a month, yet she still called him “Your Highness.” Even her sobbing annoyed him.
Without looking back, he ordered:
“…Luth. Take them out.”
Sensing his bad mood, Luth quickly led Lina and Mellie out. Finally, the room was left with only the two of them.
Perhaps it was his imagination, but Blair’s pale face looked even more ghostly than usual. Still, her expression was peaceful.
Seeing her lie peacefully, after overturning the entire mansion in a panic, made his anger flare.
Why would someone afraid of fire collapse in front of a lit fireplace? He couldn’t understand.
‘Could it be…’
As Herdin tried to guess, Blair’s eyelids, previously closed, slowly moved, and she opened her eyes.
Her blinking gaze fell on Herdin beside her.
Relief washed over him—the anger that had surged moments ago vanished.
Blair quietly spoke, her voice calm:
“…Did I faint?”
“Did you deliberately approach the fireplace knowing this might happen?”
“I wanted to recover my memories. I can’t keep burying things I don’t know forever…”
The word ‘memories’ made his heart drop.
A woman who was afraid even to light a fire in winter had done so with her own hands—because of her memories.
Because of him, who doubted and pushed her.
Her voice held no resentment. Perhaps the recent incident had exhausted her too much to be angry.
Herdin gritted his teeth, veins prominent on the back of his hand as he clenched his fist.
“There’s no need to recover memories in such a reckless way. So, don’t ever do this again.”
His cold words overlapped with memories from their previous life.
Back then too, when she had tried to extract the truth from him by pretending to love him, and when she distanced herself thinking there was no hope, she had collapsed from overexertion—just as now—and he had scolded her after she awoke.
‘Do nothing. Just stay still. As you always have.’
The memory of fearing the end of their relationship, and avoiding conflict, lingered.
But now, she no longer wanted to avoid it.
“…What if I never recover my memories in my lifetime?”
“There will be another way. Lady Lorellane is making the effort, isn’t she?”
“Do you expect me to just keep enduring your suspicion, believing that memories lost for ten years will return after a few conversations?”
Blair’s previously calm voice rose strangely, and her breathing quickened.
