At the sudden voice, Diane nearly screamed inwardly. She was so startled that she turned her head a few beats too late toward the direction of the sound.
Allie was peeking in, blinking her round eyes. There was no telling when she had come in.
“When did you get here?”
“Didn’t you hear me knock?”
Allie tilted her head as if she had heard something strange, then suddenly widened her eyes. She rushed to the bedside in a panic.
“Oh my goodness, miss. Did you have a nightmare? You’re sweating…”
“No.”
Diane quickly denied it while avoiding Allie’s gaze.
Allie was a new maid who had only recently entered Windbury, but she must have heard the rumors that the young lady was insane.
If news of her constant nightmares reached the ears of the count and countess…
The image of a narrow gray room like a carriage, the suffocating smell of phenol and chloroform mixed with mold, made her stomach turn.
Diane swallowed and added belatedly,
“Just… I think I caught a cold.”
“I’ll call a doctor right away.”
“It’s not that serious.”
“But…”
Diane glanced at Allie, who was examining her closely. Her eyes were full of concern.
For a moment, she felt an impulse to tell her everything. To ask for help.
…She must still be half-asleep. Allie was just a servant who could be used against her.
Diane steadied herself.
“I’m fine. I must’ve been tired yesterday.”
“Church on weekends can be exhausting. The seamstress won’t arrive until after lunch anyway, so please rest a little more.”
Diane quickly nodded.
“Alright. I’ll do that.”
“It would be better if you went back to Windbury as well.”
The count and countess believed Diane had a problem with her mind. They thought she might start speaking nonsense again at any time, so they wanted her to stay at the estate until her marriage.
After learning belatedly that Diane was in Britt—news that arrived late because they were overseas—the two immediately began sending servants to Lady Selden’s estate.
But Diane had no intention of returning to Windbury.
And since they could not publicly spread rumors that there was something wrong with her, they could not create a scandal directly.
Reluctantly, they asked Lady Selden to host Diane during the social season while continuously sending letters urging her to return.
Diane ignored them completely.
Allie, as if she had never expected anything else, simply said, “Then rest,” and left the room.
Left alone, Diane blinked blankly for a while.
It had already been a week since she arrived at Lady Selden’s estate.
During that time, she had accompanied Lady Selden to various gatherings. Every time, she had to carefully ensure she did not appear abnormal. The exhaustion was not only from nightmares.
She wanted to lock herself in her room, but since she had claimed she wished to build connections in high society, she had no choice but to attend events.
She considered her remaining time.
The count and countess would not return from their travels with Louis Boden for a while yet.
She had to somehow break off the engagement before then.
But how?
Diane was twenty and technically an adult lady, but under the laws of the Rosene Kingdom, she was still a minor.
Without her guardian Walter Rockwood’s permission, she could do very little. Even fleeing to become a nun would require his approval.
Pretending to be insane would be the easiest solution—but she did not want to be locked up again in an asylum.
Talking to the count and countess was not an option either. The moment she said she did not want to marry Louis Boden, they would think her madness had returned.
Perhaps because she had been shut in her room for too long, no clear solution came to mind.
Diane closed her eyes in frustration.
She could not even fall asleep again. If she did, she would likely have the nightmare again.
Only days later did her mind finally become clear.
Lady Selden spoke in an excited voice.
“Oh my, Diane. With skin so fair, every color suits you beautifully.”
The elaborately decorated silk dress with beads, embroidery, and lace had been recommended by the seamstress in pure white. It suited Diane’s pale complexion and dark hair perfectly.
“And with your hair up like this, you look just like your mother.”
Her hair, neatly pinned up and decorated with pearls, emphasized her slender neck and delicate shoulders.
“Is the corset uncomfortable? Can you breathe properly?”
“I think I’m fine.”
The latest fashion among Britt’s ladies was a very narrow waist. The tightly laced corset and full skirt surprisingly suited Diane’s naturally slender figure.
“Then it’s perfect.”
Lady Selden looked at her reflection in the mirror and gently embraced her shoulders.
“I’ll introduce you to many of your mother’s old friends at today’s party. Now, look at me.”
Diane turned toward her with a faint smile. Lady Selden’s affectionate gaze was waiting for her.
“You look nervous.”
“…It’s been six or seven years.”
Since her mother’s death, Diane had never attended any social event. Lady Selden encouraged her warmly.
“There’s no need to be nervous. A ball in Britt is no different from those in other cities. Think back to the parties in Windbury.”
In truth, it was Lady Selden who was nervous. Diane smiled a little brighter to reassure her.
“Yes, Lady Selden.”
Lady Selden smiled with satisfaction and carefully checked Diane from head to toe once more.
When she looked up again, her expression was still gentle, but more serious.
“…There is one last thing you must be careful about, Diane.”
“Yes?”
Lady Selden hesitated for a moment, then seemed to decide and spoke in a firm, brief tone.
“Not every gentleman is a gentleman.”
“…What do you mean by that?”
“…There are men who stain a lady’s honor. The so-called ‘free love’ trend from the New World has even reached Britt’s social circles. Some foolish ladies ignore duty and tradition.”
Diane froze.
For a moment, she thought of the polished man she had met in Martenley.
A handsome face, an easy smile, an uncomfortably close distance. Perhaps he was one of those “not gentlemen” Lady Selden meant.
“But you must not be like those ladies. You are of the Rockwood count’s family. Of course, you are sensible and proper, so I am not worried…”
Diane quickly composed herself and met Lady Selden’s eyes again.
“Still, I do worry. With your beauty, gentlemen will certainly lose their heads. The count and countess are worried about this as well.”
“…They worry about me a lot.”
“So, Diane, what I want to tell you is…”
Lady Selden took both of Diane’s hands.
“You are in an important period right now. You are in the midst of favorable engagement discussions with Mr. Boden. At no moment should you forget the virtues of a lady—especially at a ball like today.”
Diane had been taught all her life that a noblewoman must remain modest and pure. So Lady Selden’s warning felt strangely heavy.
“Every social season, some young ladies ruin their lives with a single mistake.”
“…A mistake?”
“There must be no doubt cast on your purity. In your case, especially so. Do you understand what I mean?”
Diane felt as if she had been struck in the head and could not answer.
Lady Selden simply assumed she was startled by such improper talk. She gently turned Diane toward the mirror again.
“Oh, don’t be afraid. I will always be by your side.”
“…Thank you.”
“You only need to mingle with those I introduce you to.”
“Yes.”
“Everyone will welcome you.”
Yes.
Diane looked at her reflection in the mirror. Even to her, she looked like a proper young lady.
Good lineage, young, and pure.
Then she thought of Louis Boden, whom she had tried not to think about.
He wanted a young, pure wife who would bear him an heir.
“There must be no doubt cast on your purity. In your case, especially so. Do you understand what I mean?”
Lineage and youth were things she could not change easily. But purity—perhaps that was something that could be damaged beyond repair.
For the first time in a long while, her previously chaotic mind became clear.
Diane felt her heart begin to pound.
Not from fear.
But from hope
